A Special Kind of Brew

Delicious. - Mr. Vigny

            I sat in my restful chair and viewed my cluttered desk, proud of how far I’ve come. I sipped my tea in pride and satisfaction. Its warmth and aroma always brightens my soul. Interrupting my daily moment of bliss, my assistant phoned my pager.

“Mr. Ellwood is here to see you,” my assistant notified.

“Send him in,” I muttered, excitedly and giddy.

            Mr. Ellwood would be the first visitor of my company in a long time. As we had previously appointed, Ellwood would be here to write a health report on our sanitation and cleanliness of our processes. The polished cedar door opened smoothly, and Ellwood crept in.

“Greetings, Mr. Vigny,” Ellwood said.

“Greetings, Mr. Ellwood,” I mimicked.

We shook hands and sat down into our finely leathered seats.

“As we have discussed beforehand, I’m here for your mandatory health inspection.”

“Yes, indeed you are, Mr. Ellwood.”

“So let us discuss my examination guidelines, procedures and the legal ramifications if your facility were to fail my inspection,” Ellwood proposed.

“Oh, Mr. Ellwood, how about we circumvent all that nonsense and take a nice little tour of my establishment?”

“Sir, with all due respect, I thank you for your offer, but I am not here to take a tour of your tea factory. I am here to review and approve your health and sanitation to our standards,” Ellwood sternly replied.

            “Please Mr. Ellwood, don’t be so standard. You’ve already explained to me your profession and I would simply like to reciprocate. Mr. Ellwood, I insist.”

            “Mr. Vigny, I’m not sure how much you have to explain. You’re a CEO of a company that simply makes tea.”

            “Oh, but Mr. Ellwood, my company and I are so much more than that, so much more.”

            “Why is that, Mr. Vigny?”

            “It’s much easier to show you, Mr. Ellwood. Follow me.”

Thus, Mr. Ellwood had begun his journey with me into the inner workings of Vigny Teas. We strolled out of my office and into the other formal facilities (offices, sales department, customer service, and other dull conventionalities). Soon it became clear that Ellwood was losing interest, but that was acceptable, for my favorite part of the tour was about to begin. Oh my, I just cannot contain my excitement. Ellwood and I happened upon a large, egg-like structure, the inside hidden by its chrome exterior.

            “And this, Mr. Ellwood, is where the magic happens.”

            “Magic?”

            “Yes, Mr. Ellwood, magic.”

            “Let us venture onwards.”

I opened the door to the giant chrome egg, revealing my baby. The Egg, as I call it, is the ‘incubator’, if you will, for my teas. Giant machines manned by dozens of workers grind, ground, and blend the spices of my teas into special blends. The same old aroma of must and rotting roots filled my nostrils with delight. Unfortunately, Ellwood did not share my sentiment for the smell. What an uncultured fool.  

            “What is that putrid smell?” Ellwood said, pinching his nose.

            “The fantastical smell is from roots and other natural spices that are blended into my special teas.”

            “Would you mind if I examined this further?”

            “Not at all, Mr. Ellwood, not at all.”

The door slammed shut, and my smile grew ear to ear. My eyes began to twitch with adrenaline.

            “What is going on, Mr. Vigny?”

            “I’m going to show you how we at Vigny teas make tea, Mr. Ellwood.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “It’s much easier to show you, Mr. Ellwood.”

I watched with trepidation as the health inspector was apprehended and eventually detained to a wooden chair by my employees. Ellwood began to struggle and panic, as they all do.

            “What are you doing?!”

            “As you put it earlier, I am simply making tea. My teas feature everything typical in your normal cup of tea, except for the absolute FINEST ingredient. There’s a reason you can’t find teas like mine anywhere else in the world, Mr. Ellwood.”

            “W-what?”

            “The ingredient, Mr. Ellwood, is you.”

As those sweet words escaped my mouth, Ellwood was taken away, screaming and squirming. I love it when they squirm. Anyways, onto the first stage of The Egg: the titanium grinder. Ellwood was tossed in, and immediately his bones cracked, splintered, and exploded into miniscule fragments. His cartilage, flesh, and organs churned into a red mush, dotted with his lovely bone sprinkles.

Forwards to the second stage: the mechanical grounder. The delightful red mush that was once Ellwood was ground up into a finer mixture, and features such as bones, cartilage, flesh, hair, etc. were filtered out. The only things left were the crimson organs, blood, and tissue.

The rest of Ellwood was placed into the final stage: the preserver. The riddled assortment processed through the machine into a dried conglomerate, similar to a leaf-like state. This is the final stage of processing. After this, Ellwood will be peppered into our natural spice teas, and distributed across the nation. Perhaps Ellwood will give that extra zest to our chai that it’s needed.

“You! Yes, you. Fetch me a fresh sample of our newest flavor,” I commanded a worker.

5 minutes later, my latest creation is ready to drink. I took a walk back up to my office to enjoy my innovative brew. I took a sip of the fragrant infusion and felt the familiar, marvelous feeling wash over me once again.  

Interrupting my secondary moment of bliss, my assistant phoned my pager.

“Our new client, Ms. Fournier is here to see you, Mr. Vigny,” my assistant notified.

“Ah yes, send her in,” I replied, awaiting my newest flavor.